Frankenheidi

Heidi Montag and I have been through a lot together.

My infatuation with Heidi began during the summer of 2006 when I attended Neuroscience Camp and spent my evenings watching MTV with some of the other campers. The first season of the Hills premiered that week, we each picked a favorite girl. I chose Heidi--I have always been a sucker for blondes and women with German names. Despite Heidi being a bit careless and shallow, I found her funny and charming. After camp, Heidi and I parted ways, and my Hills-obsessed sister was the only person keeping me informed about Heidi's life.

During my junior year of college, I succumbed to the twitter fad and started following Heidi. Heidi liked to retweet a lot, and one day I tweeted that she was retweeting too much. To my surprised, Heidi responded with a "sorry...lol XO" and at my request, she started following me. The next day, her husband Spencer Pratt also began following me on twitter.

Although I have not directly interacted with Heidi since, I have seen her life unfold in the headlines. As she climbed the fame ladder and started feuding with Al Roker, I hoped that she might remain sweet and safe. While I did disapprove of her posing for Playboy, I consoled myself with the fact that she did not do any nude shots. My crush was intact.

Heidi's first big blunder came with the launch of her career as a "pop star." From her embarrassing "Higher" home music video to her heavily synthesized album, "Superficial," Heidi has been a disaster. In all fairness, some of her tracks are catchy and comparable to Britney's recent tunes, and her video for "Overdosin" is memorable and funny. However, the Pratts spent almost $2 million of their own money making the album and only sold 658 copies in the first week after release. Confession time: I felt bad for Heidi, and I am one of those 658 people.

I could have forgiven Heidi's musical failings, but her outrageous plastic surgery brought me to my senses. Earlier this year, Heidi went under the knife and had ten procedures done at once, almost dying on the table due to too much Demerol. Heidi got a brow-lift, a chin reduction and went from a C-cup to a triple D-cup. The photo at the top of this post nicely illustrates the change. Heidi used to look like a stuning 23-year-old woman full of potential--now she is a cold Barbie with absurdly large breasts. Although she is technically more aesthetically beautiful than most supermodels, I struggle to see her beauty.

Now, as Heidi continues to develop her fashion line, pursue her music career, transition from Christianity to new-age beliefs, and explore the world of film, I have decided not to accompany her. Yes, the likes of Perez Hilton and Chelsea Handler will continue to inform me of her latest stunts, but she will no longer receive my blind support. Heidi needs everyone to ignore her for a while so that realizes extreme plastic surgery is not the path to stardom.

I am sorry Heidi, but this is goodbye.