The death of fashion

Crocs are the first sign of the fashion apocalypse.

Now, I am usually a fairly relaxed critic when it comes to clothing choices. I believe that people should wear clothing that is comfortable, flattering, and reflective of how they want to be perceived. After watching seven seasons of Project Runway and countless episodes of What Not to Wear while on the treadmill during high school gym class (yes, each treadmill had its own television screen), I have developed a strong sense of what is permissible and what is a train wreck. Despite those show's aggressive points of view, I think I still tend to err on the side of leniency when it comes to fashion choices.

However, when it comes to plastic footwear, someone needs to put their foot down. If ever allowed, plastic shoes should only exist as flip flops and preferably only been worn to the beach. The horrendous croc, a diseased love child of the shoe and rubber boot, is the essence of tackiness and only appropriate to be worn when cleaning fecal matter out of a pig sty. I only know a few people who have actually cleaned up pig crap, and none of them wore crocs to do it.

What I find even more disturbing is the company Jibbitz, which creates "decorative attachments for the holes in Crocs sandals." You cannot make a mule a stallion by giving it an attractive saddle. Wikipedia has also informed me that the Crocs company produces a line called the "Fuzz Collection" with woolly liners permanently attached inside the holes in the Crocs that enable year-round use. Unacceptable. Adding cloth above, between, and below the parts of a bikini does not make it a gown fit for ball.

In one episode of the fashion-centric show Ugly Betty, style icon Wilhelmina Slater demeans herself by indulging in crocs. Her shallow, yet wise, assistant Marc quickly take initiative and throws away all of Willy's crocs. This action comes from love--both love for the person and love for aesthetics. If you have a loved one who owns these monstrosities, you need to go right now and help that individual by throwing the crocs away. In the case that this makes you feel guilty, simply go to Old Navy and buy them a couple of pairs of flips--they are plastic and only two for five dollars. The crocs need to be dumped.

After all, it is the right thing to do.