I love this woman

I am ready to take a wife.

As someone who has been single since coming to college, I know this is a big deal. You might be thinking that the "Ring by Spring" mentality of Grove City College has finally soaked into my brain and put a permanent pair of Grover Goggles over my eyes. However, never fear! There is only one woman that I am ready to marry, and her name is Kristen Wiig.

If you have never heard or seen Kristen Wiig, there is a hole in your life. A life without Kristen can only be described as tragic. Kristen has been a cast member on Saturday Night Live since 2005 and consistently makes me laugh until tears flow. She is the funniest person currently alive.

While Kristen does say hilarious things and make ridiculous sounds, her facial expressions bring the biggest laughs. The mark of a great comedian is someone who does not even need sound to make you laugh. Kristen has this ability to twist her face into the strangest expressions and reacts so strongly in the skits. I could watch her face for a lifetime.

Kristen also has an amazing ability to transform herself into the most bizarre characters. One of my favorites is Penelope, a woman who pathologically lies to top the stories of everyone else. The twist comes at the end when at least of few of Penelope's lies turn out to be true. Another of my favorite's is Sue, a woman who adores surprises but cannot keep secrets and must cause herself physical harm to keep from ruining the surprise. If you ever hear my loudly saying "Oh my Gawww!!!," that is my Sue impression.

Other original characters include the Target Lady, a bargain-obsessed "Turrget" worker, Judy Grimes, a nervous travel advisor on Weekend Update who says "just kidding" between every few words, Aunt Linda, a sarcastic movie critic with poor taste, and Dooneese, a member of a sister act that perform on the Lawrence Welk Show. Dooneese is my favorite of these four characters--her high hairline, little baby hands, and disturbing song lyrics make me die laughing every time.

Kristen also has an amazing talent for celebrity impressions. The recurring parody skit of The View may be one of the best things on SNL. Whoopi, Barbara, Joy, Sheri, and Elisabeth deserve to be parodied, especially Joy Behar. Kristen marvelously plays the sweet, conservative Elisabeth Hasselbeck in a dead-on impression. So funny! Other celebrities parodied include Suze Orman, Nancy Pelosi, Jamie Lee Curtis, Katharine Hepburn, Bjork, and a Japanese version of Pam Beasley from The Office. I hope you take the time to watch all of these videos.

A final thing you need to know about is the fourth hour of the Today Show. Calm Hoda Kotb and insane Kathie Lee Gifford have a strange dynamic and Kristen showcases this brilliantly as Kathie Lee. I found a video on youtube of Hoda and Kathie Lee responding to this highly accurate impression. While Hoda seems to find it funny, Kathie Lee is upset. However, when Hoda gets made fun of in the clip, Kathie Lee begins to see the humor. If you squint your eyes a little, it becomes difficult to tell which clip is the show and which is SNL. So good.

If you do not love Kristen by now, you need professional laughter training. You are not invited to our theoretical wedding.

Snuggle up

I sleep wrapped in a snuggie every night.

It took me a while to fall under this trend's power. My family and I used to make fun of the people in the commercial. They looked so ridiculous sitting around on plush couches in backwards monk robes, reading books and being pleasant with one another. The snuggie's ridiculous appearance kept us from seeing its true wonder.

I did not know I needed a snuggie until after I bought one. On Black Friday 2009, I forced my mom and sister to get up early and go shopping in the wee hours of the morning. When we got to Menard's, a store that I have hated as long as I can remember, I spotted an off-brand snuggie called a Cuddlee. As an avid bargain shopper, I could not pass up the six dollar price tag. After all, snuggies usually retail at about fifteen dollars.

That night, as I shared a pull-out couch with my little brother, I put my arms through the holes and wrapped the snuggie around my body. I instantly felt secure and safe. Even more importantly, when I went to grab my glass of water, my arms did not get cold. Up until that moment, I had never realized how annoying cold arms can be. A marketable invention either fills an existing need or makes people think that they have a need, and the snuggie does the latter beautifully.

Since then, I have slept wrapped in my snuggie almost every night. While I used to scoff, now I embrace, and the snuggie embraces me. The snuggie has become a pop culture phenomenon and has been mocked by many comedians. It even got a mention on a hilarious SNL skit parody of the Today Show with Hoda and Kathie Lee. I believe that all of those comedians secretly sleep with snuggies.

The snuggie was also one of the most popular Christmas gifts this past year. The Snuggie company has diversified its product by creating snuggies for children and dogs. While I own the classic navy blue, the snug also comes in burgundy, green, pink, and animal print.

There are even more uses for the snuggie than what the commercials show. If you turn it around backwards and add a belt, it is a shepherd's costume for a Christmas nativity scene. I recently had someone stand behind me and put their hand through to create the humorous illusion of hands out of my control. That same night, I also put it on backwards and had two people under that snuggie behind me, and we raced through the house screaming and pretending it was a Chinese dragon in a Chinese New Year Parade. We have fun.

If you still are wary about the snuggie, I'll let you try on mine. Just make sure you give it back.